You have got to be kidding me?
by will4everLuvToRead
Summary: Harry spends 6 years catching the rest of the death eater scum and rebuilding Hogwarts. He finally has the chance to live for himself, and takes it. Sadly, his carefree life doesn't last long. Not with a nephew that has a penchant for pranks, being the master of death and finding out that there are superheros in the world. Will have slash and maybe Ménage à trois relationship.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Coming to an end

Summary: The war is finally over and the wizarding world is slowly being rebuilt. Harry has spent the last 6 years catching the rest of the death eater scum and rebuilding Hogwarts. He finally has the opportunity to live for himself, and takes it. Sadly, his life could not be carefree forever. Not with a nephew that has a penchant for pranks, being the master of death and finding out that there are superheros in the world. He should really stop making assumptions.

Harry couldn't help but sigh as he was finally able to sit down and close his eyes. He was tired, hungry, sore and only now had a chance to rest since the battle finally ended. He was not able to suppress a sigh as he had remembered all the people that were lost and were now laying in the great hall. Young Colin Creevey who had snuck back to join the fight, Snape who he knew was innocent but had a mask to wear, Fred who was now torn away from his other half and maybe the hardest to take had been when he saw Moony and Tonks laying side by side. He could see them in his mind's eye clearly in the great hall with eyes that would remain closed forever.

He clenched his hands tightly enough to draw blood and bit his lip as he thought about the child they were forced to leave behind. Teddy Lupin was younger than Harry was when he lost his parents. The words Remus had spoken about fighting for a better future for his son and the other children in the wizarding world rang loudly in his ears. Harry silently swore that he would be there for his godson and made sure he lived a full and happy life.

He thought about all the people that were now celebrating and he could not help but feel frustrated. At the people of the wizarding world that had expected a teen to take care of the most evil wizard to have dominated Britain, the people who let the children of Hogwarts to be the main fighters in the battle while they sat idly by and the students themselves for feeling that it was their duty to fight when even the adults were cowering. He also felt mad at himself for not fighting harder and finishing the battle sooner... before so many innocent people suffered and died. He felt that all the training he had done was not enough.

Harry had spent all summer of his fifth year plus his entire sixth year training his mind, body and magic. His magic lessons/training during the school year were surprisingly, and **frustratingly** led by Snape. At first, he had wanted to so badly place all the blame of Sirius's death on the man's hands and not listen to his directions; However, he knew that would have been unreasonable and childish. And, from what he experienced in the department of mysteries, he had realized that he had no room in his life to be unreasonable and childish.

It had been startlingly clear how much he needed to train and could not begrudge any help that came his way. There was too much bad blood for the two to get along well, but they kept it cordial and focused only on training. There was also too much strain to go through occlumency lessons together so Harry just bought a book on the subject itself and on meditation.

Harry later learned that Snape had taken the initiative to train him as a kind of compensation for his bad occlumency lessons and was not, as Harry had expected, forced by Dumbledore. That might have been the reason he wasn't being **much** of a git during lessons. Lets face it, Snape isn't Snape if he wasn't an irritating git just in nature.

Dumbledore... the man he had thought of as a grandfather. The man he had trusted to tell him the truth and could look up to. The man whose office he thoroughly trashed. Harry felt rage like no other at realizing just how much he was manipulated. During one of his meditation sessions over the summer when he was trying to recount his past years at school, he realized how unsettling his relationship with Dumbledore was and how much he was molded into a weapon without realizing it.

In first year, how were three first years able to get passed traps that were set for a powerful adult wizard? Those traps were supposed to have been advanced magic and the only part that was remotely close was Snape's potion riddle. Everything else could have been passed if you received a Hogwarts education... Needless to say, it wasn't that much of a challenge.

Dumbledore even gave him a hint for the mirror at the end. At the time, he had thought that Dumbledore wanted to give him a chance to face Voldemort with an advantage knowing that he would not be able to talk Harry into not going after Voldemort.

But, the thing was that he wouldn't have even gone after the person going after the stone if McGonagall had listened to him when he and his friends were telling her that the stone was in danger. What would it have hurt if they at least made some of the teachers personally guard the stone?

In second year, how on earth does a sixty foot snake roam the hallways with none of the portraits seeing? And there were hundreds if not thousands of portraits. And in the off-chance that none of the portraits were around where the snake was attacking, if Hermione had been able to figure out what the beast was then a teacher or an older student should have been able to figure it out as well, No offense made to Hermione, he could readily admit that she was the smartest witch of her age. Or maybe if someone had questioned Myrtle about her death when it had happened then they would have been able to connect the dots.

Third year was full of confusion and rage. First of all the dementors gave him endless trouble and they affected him way too much. It wasn't a very bright idea for them to have been stationed at the biggest magical school in Britain. I mean, shouldn't the parents have been against the idea and threw a riot or something?

The biggest problem that year was that he thought Sirius was the one after him and the one to kill his parents, but the story was so twisted and it turned out that Pettigrew was the traitor. What was worse was realizing that he had been near him for two years...Just gross!

And how was it that no one had realized that Sirius was innocent. There should have been a bloody trial or at least have him subjected to a questioning. But, it was as if someone wanted Sirius out of the way as soon as possible. He heavily suspected Dumbledore, but he didn't have any evidence of that.

He also thought that if anything, his parent's wills should have given evidence of Sirius's innocence. Sadly, he hasn't heard anything about his parent's wills. Maybe they didn't have enough time to update it and it didn't have any important information. He had made a mental note to contact Gringotts about it as soon as he was able. He really wanted to hear what they had to say as long as he was allowed to.

Getting back on track to organizing the trail of his school life that was just an utter mess; who the hell approves and gives a thirteen year old the ability to mess with time?! Sure, he trusted Hermione with it, but shouldn't the adults have been cautious about it and thought that she was too young?

Speaking of too young, in fourth year he was forced into entering a tournament that was so dangerous that it was previously banned. He was obviously at a disadvantaged and he admitted to not entering it of his own will. He should have started to train then, but of course Dumbledore must have wanted him to get through it on his own. Probably just another one of his tests.

Finally, in fifth year he was finally told the prophesy only after his godfather had died right in front of his eyes. He had actually felt more anger at Dumbledore than Snape. And that was saying something. The whole ministry ordeal could have been avoided if Dumbledore had come clean at the beginning. This was when Harry realized that if he wanted training he would have to do it on his own and seek help himself.

Bringing himself back to the present and looking at the damage that was done to Hogwarts, he honestly felt that if he had started training sooner, than he and the people who were lost could have had a better chance.

"Harry?"

He turned around and saw Ron and Hermione. He felt warmth spread through him at the fact that his best friends were still alive and with him. He wasn't sure what he would do if they had died too.

"Hey guys" Harry breathed out.

"So, it's over now?" Ron asked tiredly though it sounded more like a statement.


	2. Chapter 2

**You Have Got To Be Kidding Me**

**Hey everyone! I just wanted to give thanks to all those that have chosen to favorite and follow this story and to all those that reviewed! I will except all forms of criticism because I am new at this and seek to improve my writing. I hope I am able to meet up to your expectations and I look forward to any reviews you want to share!**

**I really liked the review that mentioned where I stopped was odd and I will endeavor to fix that! The progress of this fanfic will be slow going, so bear with me!**

**For those that do not know, I do not own Harry Potter or Avengers! (Think I forgot to put that up on the first chapter, sorry!) And for those that do not like Slash, then please turn back now because the main pairing will most likely be slash. I would like to also apologize in advance for the clichés and the slow start of the story!**

**Chapter 2 **

Harry's POV

Having time to himself was something hard to come by nowadays. It has been about two weeks after the final battle and Harry felt more exhausted than ever. The weeks were spent attending the numerous funerals, giving eulogies and speeches, and being hounded by the reporters that still could not get enough of him and get it through their thick skulls that he did NOT want to talk to them.

On top of all that, he had had to deal with an irate Weasely red head he was avoiding (Lol, which could be any of them). He had spent a long time thinking about his relationship with Ginny and it dawned on him that he was not in love with her. With all the crap he went through, he did not feel like the same person he was when they first go together. He also felt like he had rushed himself into getting into a relationship because of the thought of imminent death hanging around. Sure he felt love for her, but it was more as a sister than anything else. He was in love with the idea of being in love.

After being cornered by said red head he explained to her what he was feeling and that he thought it would be best if they split up. She surprised him with a sad smile and she countered that she had similar feelings and that she had agreed with splitting up. She was angry that he had avoided her for nothing, but was glad that he had confessed.

Unfortunately, even after those two past weeks, he still had other things to take care of. On his mental list, the biggest thing he needed to take care of was getting in touch with Gringotts about his parent's and Sirius's will.

Now, during the first free time he had to himself since the battle, here he was entering Gringotts. It was already cleared beforehand with the head goblin of the bank that the fiasco at the bank was forgiven. He still felt bad for Griphook for crossing him. Not too bad though because the goblin crossed them as well. Sadly, the goblin died before any kind of apologies could be made.

With those thoughts he hurried up to a goblin teller.

"Good evening, I have an appointment with Gradock today. Names Harry Potter."

"Yes, he is free right now and is expecting you. Follow me please."

It was about three hours later that he finally exited the bank and with all the information that he needed. He found out that he was now Lord Potter and had access to the family vault that he had no clue even existed. Gradock had also given him a list of his properties that were around the world and companies the potter family was invested in.

He had also inquired as to his parent's will and found out that they had never further updated them after going into hiding and it never stated anything about their secret keeper. It was a little disappointing knowing that the will couldn't have proved his godfather's innocence, but what's done is done.

However, he did find out that his godfather had updated his will and named Harry and Remus the only benefactors with Harry being his heir and the option of carrying the Black family name. He had accepted and was now Lord Harry James Potter-Black. He had then named Teddy as the heir to that name as it should be by blood through Tonks. The next thing he did was transfer Remus's money into an account for Teddy and added the rest of what was left over from his trust fund into it that vault as well.

Gradock had also given him a list of properties and investments that the Black family had. He was surprised at how many investments they had in America.

The thing that surprised him the most that day was Remus and Tonk's will. He never knew they had the time to make one together with all the hiding they had had to do. He learned that he was on record as Teddy Lupin's godfather and that he shared guardianship with Andromeda. They had also opened a trust vault for their son as well and on their death all their money had gone there.

Now that he knew of his financial standing and getting Gringotts out of the way he could solely focus on helping rebuild Hogwarts and catching the runaway deathmunchers.

_Time Skip_

8 Years Later...

"Teddy Remus Lupin! You come here this instant and help me!"

This was not how he wanted to wake up never-mind how he wanted to start the day. He growled in frustration at the situation he found himself in first thing this morning.

Him, the boy who lived, the man who conquered, boy hero that grew into a fearsome auror that deatheaters would sometimes flee at the site of him was staring at the door waiting for his brat of a nephew to come into his bedroom because he was absolutely stuck. Literally. To the wall above his bed.

He had a habit of sleeping on his stomach and when he had drowsily woke up this morning he felt his body being jerked up and flipped over. He found his back slamming into the wall and his world was upside down.

To his credit, he analyzed the situation quickly and figured out that he had been caught unaware without his wand by a 9 year old. This brought him back to the present time as he yelled for his nephew that he knew could not be too far away.

True and behold, he quickly heard the stifled giggles escape from the area near his door. It creaked open wider and he was then blinded by a flash of light and now full on laughter. He let his nephew have his moment of glory because really, deatheaters would not have been able to do what Teddy just did and he should be proud of the accomplishment.

"Okay, you've had your laugh. Now, let me down or the next time you wake up you will find yourself floating in the middle of a lake in a bikini." He said this as calmly and with as much dignity as he could have while being stuck to a wall upside down at the mercy of his nephew.

He knew he must have looked quite the sight and must have looked at least a little intimidating because Teddy hustled and moved to the side of his godfather's bed and took out the prank item from under the bed and pushed a button. Harry quickly felt gravity return and he quickly pushed off the wall with his hands and landed on his feet at the foot of his bed.

"Damn brat, it's way too early for this" Harry muttered angrily.

"You should have seen your face uncle Harry! I got you so good, I can't wait to develop the pictures!"

"Yeah, yeah. Good morning to you too. Are you all packed up now?" Harry asks

"Yup! I finished up last night. I'm going to miss this place though." "Me too buddy."

After six years of catching rogue deatheaters and making sure the wizarding world was back on it's feet with Kingsley as minister, Harry was finally able to put the war behind him. He had given much thought about what he would do when the time came where he was free from the obligations the British wizards and witches had heaped on his shoulders. After much debate, he had decided that he wanted to travel and see the world.

It had been two years since he and Teddy had left Britain to explore other parts of the world. They had gone to all the popular vacation spots like Paris, Rome, California, Orlando, the Caribbean and Hawaii. They had then gone to Mexico, Africa, Texas, and any other place that made them interested. Now, they were going to finally be settling back down. He had never expected that he would have Teddy with him, but he couldn't complain about the company. He loved the kid like his own and Teddy had been just as excited as he was about the trip.

Thinking back, It was only two months after the battle that Andromeda had approached him about the idea of raising Teddy instead.

-Flashback-

It was about eight at night when he had heard a knock on the door. Harry had been lounging on the sofa in front of the fireplace of Grimmauld place trying to read a book on being an animagus and quickly stood to answer the door. He had his wand in one hand as he reached to open the door. On the other side he saw Andromeda holding a sleeping Teddy and quickly let them in.

"What's going on Andy? Is everything okay?" Harry asks as he gives her and Teddy a glance looking for anything wrong. "We are as fine as can be Harry. I'm sorry about coming by so late, but I just can't handle this anymore." Andromeda was close to tears now and Harry rushed to bring her into the kitchen to sit down.

"My body and spirit is weak and he just reminds me of them so much that I break down in tears at odd times of the day." Harry rubs soothing circles into her back as she cries and tries to understand what she was going on about and she makes to continue on.

"I'm sorry Harry, I know I shouldn't be asking of this from someone so young, but you were named godfather and has partial guardianship over him so I just thought..." Andy falters for a moment and takes a deep breath to control her emotions. "I understand Andy" Harry picks up. "It's okay. Of course I'll take Teddy, he's my godson and I promised that I would watch over and help take care of him."

With that he took Teddy into his arms after Andromeda looked up at him with a watery smile. Harry grins back and tries to lighten the mood. "So, you'll have to give me a crash course in child care and help me find a place to move into because I'm not raising him in this house."

With that, she sat straighter, took Teddy back and smiled. "You'll need your hands free if you are to take notes." With that Harry had gotten custody of his godson, moved into a nice two bedroom cottage and Andromeda had passed on six months later to be reunited with the family that was taken from her.

-End Flashback-

With a question from Teddy, Harry was brought back to the present. "Are you gonna make pancakes today uncle Harry? I want blueberries and chocolate chips!"

"Sure squirt, I can make pancakes. Then we can pack up the last of our things before heading to the airport."

Thanks for reading guys!

I'm sorry for how short the update is, all I can say is that I am a newbie and the updates will be short and maybe every 2-3 weeks. Bear with me! Since Winter break is soon, I may be able to write more often now that I am not stressing about research papers. Please review!


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